Useless
In general, I can say that I'm physically strong all my life. You won't find me stationary for a long time. There's always something that I would do because if not I think I would die. I would be running around, dancing to any beat, going to different places, etc.
Some people notice that I walk very fast. I remember my officemates teasing me with my speedy walk. We would usually walk along the covered walkway from our office in Ayala to the Ayala MRT station. One time, we all went out of the office at the same time but I needed to go to our other office along Paseo so I told them to go ahead. After I was done with my errand in our Paseo office, I started walking back to our path. And you know what, I actually saw them still on the covered walkway and was able to get pass through them. They were so amazed. I told them that they just walked too slow. But they argued that I just walk too fast.
To make people happy, I do certain dance moves. There was even a dance move that they call "Do the Rhaych". Because there was a time that when I'm happy I do the crazy Rhaych step.
But that was all before. Now, I'm no longer like that. I'm freakingly weak that I cannot even do things on my own. Life can be a little unfair!
After last Monday's surgery on my back, I was hopeful that I can go back to normal. My normal life. My normal me. I thought that once I'm discharged from the hospital, I'm about 70-80% okay. But I was wrong. It frustrates me that I'm not even 50% okay.
Here I am lying back on my bed as I write my thoughts on this notebook with a pencil. I do have a laptop but I was told by my doctor through my PT that I can't sit for more than an hour. Most of the time I'm lying on this bed. What's worse, I can't even change my position on this bed without asking for someone's assistance. I need assistance to turn to my side. I need assistance in putting my legs on the pillow. I need assistance to stand up from the bed. I need assistance in taking a bath. Almost everything is either given to or done for me. Gosh I've never felt this small and needless to say useless! I'm used to getting things done on my own. I appreciate the support that they give me but I can't help but feel worthless and hopeless.
I cry myself to sleep thinking why this happened to me. I can't help but cry over what happened to me. My family tells me to keep on with my PT sessions and never lose hope. Won't you lose hope if you need someone to even flush the toilet for you? The doctors, my PT, my family and my friends say that I can go back to normal. When and how? For someone with low EQ like me, everyday is a struggle for me. The words of encouragement are overwhelming. Thank you!I know I should be taking one step at a time but deep within me I can't help but feel upset.
Just please continue praying for me. Thank you for your prayers and support.
I can't wait to do the "Rhaych" and my cartwheels.
Some people notice that I walk very fast. I remember my officemates teasing me with my speedy walk. We would usually walk along the covered walkway from our office in Ayala to the Ayala MRT station. One time, we all went out of the office at the same time but I needed to go to our other office along Paseo so I told them to go ahead. After I was done with my errand in our Paseo office, I started walking back to our path. And you know what, I actually saw them still on the covered walkway and was able to get pass through them. They were so amazed. I told them that they just walked too slow. But they argued that I just walk too fast.
To make people happy, I do certain dance moves. There was even a dance move that they call "Do the Rhaych". Because there was a time that when I'm happy I do the crazy Rhaych step.
But that was all before. Now, I'm no longer like that. I'm freakingly weak that I cannot even do things on my own. Life can be a little unfair!
After last Monday's surgery on my back, I was hopeful that I can go back to normal. My normal life. My normal me. I thought that once I'm discharged from the hospital, I'm about 70-80% okay. But I was wrong. It frustrates me that I'm not even 50% okay.
Here I am lying back on my bed as I write my thoughts on this notebook with a pencil. I do have a laptop but I was told by my doctor through my PT that I can't sit for more than an hour. Most of the time I'm lying on this bed. What's worse, I can't even change my position on this bed without asking for someone's assistance. I need assistance to turn to my side. I need assistance in putting my legs on the pillow. I need assistance to stand up from the bed. I need assistance in taking a bath. Almost everything is either given to or done for me. Gosh I've never felt this small and needless to say useless! I'm used to getting things done on my own. I appreciate the support that they give me but I can't help but feel worthless and hopeless.
I cry myself to sleep thinking why this happened to me. I can't help but cry over what happened to me. My family tells me to keep on with my PT sessions and never lose hope. Won't you lose hope if you need someone to even flush the toilet for you? The doctors, my PT, my family and my friends say that I can go back to normal. When and how? For someone with low EQ like me, everyday is a struggle for me. The words of encouragement are overwhelming. Thank you!I know I should be taking one step at a time but deep within me I can't help but feel upset.
Just please continue praying for me. Thank you for your prayers and support.
I can't wait to do the "Rhaych" and my cartwheels.
posted by rhaych @ 2:33 PM
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