I'd Have to Miss this One

I was having second thoughts about writing this because it might cause more harm than good. But it's my blog anyway. It's my way of releasing what I feel.

Monday I got two anonymous invites for the TUSIKS Christmas Party. If I'm not mistaken, it's going to be the fourth time that we're having it. Ooops have to be careful about using the word "we". I might not be part of that "we" anymore. I appreciate the invite and thanks for remembering me. But I guess, I'd have to miss it this year. Why o why?! It's the chance to catch up on each other's lives. The chance to look back and laugh at our fun times together. It's the time to assure each other that we're still the same TUSIKS! However, I don't want to put myself in an uncomfortable position or I don't want anyone to miss it just because I'm coming. Naks drama! I say, it's better to leave things as they are now. I promised myself that I'm not going to attend any of my former students' parties for the reason that I'm done with it.

A lot of things have been said and done. On my part, I know I have uttered words that have hurt some. Up to this very day, I'm still so sorry for it. I have extended my apologies to the people concerned for the way I had reacted. But I ask myself, do they know where my anger was coming from that night? Have they ever wondered what happened to me on my way home? Probably not. Because the exchange of words stopped. They know me so well. They knew that if they responded to me more, they knew I'd get more angry. I let it pass and hoped it'll get better. A few days later I was so surprised to hear stories that they were making fun of what had happened to me. That made so feel so small. You made me feel so STUPID!

I didn't think that one night of miscommunication would ruin everything that we had worked for. Friendship as they say has its ups and downs. Did anyone at that time pull me up when I was so down? I'm just so hurt about how things had turned out. All of a sudden there were two camps - myself and them.

My Christmas wish is to patch up with you guys. God knows how much I MISS you and how I'd love to laugh with you again. But, I don't think that this is the right time. I did reach out but you didn't. It fell on deaf ears last November. Let the healing process begin. Hopefully in the future, we'll bump into each other and there would be no apologies to make and tears to shed.

'te Rhaych really has the Tusiks Attitude!

Have a Merry Christmas my dear Tusiks! You still have my love.