One More Chance

When love ends.....
how long should you hold on?
how soon should you let go?
how do you move on?

From Star Cinema, comes a story about how tru love waits for, hopes for and needs....

Last year, my officemates were talking endlessly about this movie. Since I'm not much of a movie-goer, I had to wait for months to watch it in the comforts of my bedroom. And so I did today at 7 in the morning. This is not going to be a movie review since I'm no-expert in doing so. It's just that this movie brought back memories of awkward moments. Awkward moments with the X. Ahahaha! I never thought I'd have a flashback of what was then. What I mean by "then", is after the break up. No use talking about the relationship because it was sooooo yesterday (as Joyce would put it).

I had a lot of awkward encounters with the X after the relationship ended. Let me remind you that this happened more than 10 years ago but this morning I had a sudden rush of flashback. It's amazing that I can still remember those moments. We all know that breaking up is not easy especially the aftermath. The mornings you wanna get up but there's this invisible heavy load on your chest that keeps you immobilized on your bed. The time that you needed to keep away every single thing that will remind you of the person. The nights when you cry yourself to sleep. Putting up a face that you're okay but deep inside you're really hurting. Next comes the "trying to despise the person" but you can't help but listen about what's going on with his life.

You both agreed you'll still be friends (or at least be civil). But man, that's so difficult especially if he moved on sooner than you did. Poor you or back then, poor me! Kase naman asa pa me! Ahahaha! We both knew what was wrong with our relationship and how bad we were getting. We just needed the time to be away from each other.

As fate would simply test me, I was waiting for a ride to school when I suddenly saw him. He stopped and offered to bring me to school. He said that he was also going in that direction. I was hesitant at first but I was running late for an exam so I hopped in. At first there was total silence inside the car and I was staring out of the window. It wasn't long that he started talking - asking me about school, my friends, our friends, his family, my family. I remember answering him with one liners "yes or no" or simply a nod. Words couldn't come out of my mouth. I was praying that we get to UP real fast. I wanted the awkward moment to end. He then offered to drop me off at my building but I refused. I said that I'll just walk to save him from the hassle. Wow sentence! So when we were in Balara, I got off and said thank you. Naks another sentence! I started walking fast without turning my back. I didn't want him to see me shaking. My hands and feet were feeling cold as I took my exam. That's it! Oooooppppps before I forget, that day was his birthday! But I intentionally did not want to greet him.

A few weeks after that or almost 6 months after the break up, I remember we had a long phone conversation after I learned that he has a new girl. I was crying at the start of the conversation and he was too. He said that he did not want to hurt me and he kept saying sorry. At that point no amount of apology can compensate for the pain that I was feeling. But as mentioned we both agreed that we'll still be friends (which I think I took too seriously), so he started talking about his new love - the girl's family background, how thoughtful the girl is, how fair-skinned the girl is (mabuhay tayong mga morena!) and endless praises about the girl. Tol bumisina ka naman! Bagsak na nga eh sinipa mo pa! Sometimes they can get very insenstive, right?! Upon hearing those, I knew the friendship thing will not work and I promised myself that I will not cry over this person ever again (or so I think!).

It really took time for me to get over the pain. When I knew I was ready and okay, we just started communicating again. We were being friends again. I was seeing someone then and he was still with his girl. None of the praises that he said about the girl affected me. I was fine with it. When he said that he was going abroad, I was very excited for him and I wished him well. But when he left, it felt weird. Through e-mail I told him what I felt. But I wasn't expecting anything. I just needed to express it. It was such a relief. And since, we've become friends again, I appreciated the fact that he understood what I felt. But we can't be "us" again.

I'm not writing this to make him look bad. I had my fair share of shortcomings why the relationship ended. We were very young then. At sabi nga ni Derek Ramsay sa movie, "Sometimes it's better for two people to break up so they can grow up. It takes two grown-ups to make a relationship work." In our case, he grew up faster than I did. I know that he was hurt too. But up to this very day, I think that ending the relationship was one of the most diffult and yet one of the best decisions we have ever made in our lives. I don't have any ill-feelings towards him. In fact I am happy for him and the man that he has become. Promise! Di yan galing sa ilong. It's just that this movie had made me look back at what I went through and all the lessons that I learned after that. When one wants out of the relationship, there's no point in continuing it. There's no use in trying to make it work. For some people it can work but for us it did not. And as we say it in the office, just charge it.. charge it to experience.