Amazing Rhaych becomes Questionable
Have you ever considered yourself stupid? Have you ever felt useless? Have you ever thought of just quitting?
All these thoughts are running in my head. I just wanna shout it all out to release my anxiety. But will I ever feel better if I would entertain such thoughts? I don't think so.
It's the fourth day of product training. I can't seem to get it all right. Was it information overload? Was I feeling too conscious about the whole thing? Or was it because I was simply stupid? S-T-U-P-I-D in my face! I've never felt so stupid in my entire life. I wanted to crawl under the ground to hide myself from such an embarrassment. It looked very simple when I observed the others but when it was already my turn, I went blank. Blah! Blah! Blah! To think we've been practicing that all night long. That's why I broke down into tears nearly before my shift ended. I was angry at myself for not learning that fast. I felt so small. I thought it was an easy job. But no, it was both physically and mentally taxing.
Can I just bargain? Can I just dance or discuss photosynthesis and respiration? It's because I know those things very well. Hahaha! Like that is possible?!
Did I make the wrong decision of leaving teaching and starting a new career in something that is so new to me? A world that I've never been into. Such a big plunge on my part! It's like I'm so good in badminton when all of a sudden I wanted to do go swimming when I don't even know how to. But my decision was very firm. I could have opted to transfer to another school but I did not. I wanted change. I wanted growth. I wanted freedom. I wanted challenge. It was no turning back. I have to prove to others and, moreso, to MYSELF that I made the right decision. This is what I chose and I have to live up to that decision.
So after all these tears have dried... When I wake up this afternoon... When I enter the office tonight... I know I'm NOT quitting. I have to learn from my mistakes and I need not be too hard on myself. It's a process that I have to go through and I know I can do it. As The Blonde Bombshell would say, be RESILIENT, be able to bounce back from adversity. I sure will. I'll be smiling in the coming days and soon I'll be saying "Chicken Panis!". After all, I am still THE AMAZING RHAYCH.
All these thoughts are running in my head. I just wanna shout it all out to release my anxiety. But will I ever feel better if I would entertain such thoughts? I don't think so.
It's the fourth day of product training. I can't seem to get it all right. Was it information overload? Was I feeling too conscious about the whole thing? Or was it because I was simply stupid? S-T-U-P-I-D in my face! I've never felt so stupid in my entire life. I wanted to crawl under the ground to hide myself from such an embarrassment. It looked very simple when I observed the others but when it was already my turn, I went blank. Blah! Blah! Blah! To think we've been practicing that all night long. That's why I broke down into tears nearly before my shift ended. I was angry at myself for not learning that fast. I felt so small. I thought it was an easy job. But no, it was both physically and mentally taxing.
Can I just bargain? Can I just dance or discuss photosynthesis and respiration? It's because I know those things very well. Hahaha! Like that is possible?!
Did I make the wrong decision of leaving teaching and starting a new career in something that is so new to me? A world that I've never been into. Such a big plunge on my part! It's like I'm so good in badminton when all of a sudden I wanted to do go swimming when I don't even know how to. But my decision was very firm. I could have opted to transfer to another school but I did not. I wanted change. I wanted growth. I wanted freedom. I wanted challenge. It was no turning back. I have to prove to others and, moreso, to MYSELF that I made the right decision. This is what I chose and I have to live up to that decision.
So after all these tears have dried... When I wake up this afternoon... When I enter the office tonight... I know I'm NOT quitting. I have to learn from my mistakes and I need not be too hard on myself. It's a process that I have to go through and I know I can do it. As The Blonde Bombshell would say, be RESILIENT, be able to bounce back from adversity. I sure will. I'll be smiling in the coming days and soon I'll be saying "Chicken Panis!". After all, I am still THE AMAZING RHAYCH.
posted by rhaych @ 8:17 AM
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