Fight the Fights WORTH Fighting For

I had a very weird dream. I still can't believe it happened, at least in my dream. I prayed so hard last night and I told God to help me let go of my feelings because it's high time to move on. But still, in my subconscious he was still there.

I was running with an officemate to catch the next elevator at the office. We were laughing so hard upon entering the elevator because we were talking about something really, really funny. When we got in, there were two guys and I recognized them. One was a high school friend and the other one was "My Missing Piece". I asked them where they were going. My high school friend said that he was accompanying "My Missing Piece" in applying. For some reason, the trip from the lower ground to the 41st floor was unbelievably fast. My officemate and I got off. But when I reached my work station, I decided to go back and follow them. I went to the floor where they were going. I did not see them. I boarded the next elevator down and immediately ran out of the building. I ran for about a block to find "My Missing Piece" but he was nowhere. When I got home, my mom asked me why I looked so down. I told her that I was just tired and then I headed to my room to change. A few minutes later, my mom called me to say that I have a visitor waiting outside the house. She invited the visitor to come in but refused to. I was curious who it was. When I got out of the gate, "My Missing Piece" was standing outside his car and looked so serious. My heart was pounding really fast but I approached him with a smile on my face. I asked him what he was doing at my office and he said, "I was supposed to apply. And by the way I came by just to let you know that I love you very much!". Whoa I was totally shocked and before I knew it he was planting a kiss on my lips. It was a short, sweet kiss. Then I moved away and went in front of his car, I turned my back because I did not want him to see that I was smiling from ear to ear.

Then I woke up. What was that all about?!!!! C'mon this is too much! This makes it a lot harder because it looked and felt real. Very, very, very vivid! And my imagination is really something, don't you think?! My dream will never, ever happen. If that happens, I would do cartwheels around our block.

Of all people, why him? We're just friends and that's how it's going to be. I know that for a fact. Reality check, he's my friend and he has someone else. We can never go beyond friendship even though I've been feeling like this for ages. It's either I keep my mouth shut and keep my friendship with him. Or open my mouth and loose whatever I have with him. This is so difficult. Many have advised me to be honest with him and say what I feel so I can get it done and over with. My question is "What for?". What good will it do me? I won't get anything out of it and I might just get laughed at my face. But being a gentleman that he is, I think he won't say anything at all or he might just say "thank you but you know I can't". I KNOW and that's what hurts me most! I wanted you to know because you deserve to hear the truth and there's some truth that I'd like to hear as well. I wanted to validate what I feel. But am I ready to hear the answer? Will I ever be ready for it? I know where I stand and I don't want to ruin his relationship. Will I ever get my chance? Tough luck! It's not even a competition. He has been won by someone else and even before I get into the picture, I am already defeated. It's not worth giving a shot. As my friend told me, I have to fight the fights worth fighting for. There's nothing to fight for because the fight is over even before it began. If I go on, I'm bound to get hurt all the more. I hurt because I love but this has to stop.

A friend forwarded me this message:
One cannot question the existence of feelings; they are there raw and undeniable.
But one can choose to not nurture what is felt.
Yet, no matter what they say, what has been felt will always be more honest than what was chosen.
Hence, true realities are not built by the mind but by the heart...