Waaaaah September!
It's the last day of the month and I don't know if I should be thankful or what. September was really a heavy month for me. It was physically, mentally and emotionally draining. I was in a limbo. Some days are good but most of the time it was REALLY BAD. I wanted to speed up the hours and make this month end. This was the most challenging month of the year in terms of work and relationship with other people. One night I found myself crying because I thought I couldn't handle everything anymore. But what good will crying do to me?! I just had to let it out. I had to prove to myself and to other people that I made the right choice and I'm not quitting very soon.
Actually, the month started really well. I really had a grand time during the team-building. It was the kind of fun that I had in college and it was something that I've been wanting to experience in the recent years. It was all good, clean fun. The people were all game and the food was excellent. I was awake for more than 30 hours but it was all worth it.
Since I didn't have work that following Monday, I went to see my old friends from St. Paul. I missed them so much. They always had welcoming arms. I knew that at St. Paul, the warmth and friendship will always be there. I was like coming home to my old family. I missed my mommies and titas there. I had a hearty laugh with the clinic people. I'm sure they missed the precious patient that I was.
But when things were starting off really well, a sudden surprise leaves you dumbfounded and there was nothing else you can do about the situation but just accept it (and still accept it). The shifts were getting heavy and we lacked manpower. It was something that I took heavily because there's nothing much I can do but deal with it.
The following weekend was the most disappointing one. I was looking forward to that weekend for more than a month. I wanted to see old friends. It was a break from a heavy week and I wanted to seek refuge from old pals. I don't really want to elaborate on it. Actually I did make a mistake of not verifying. I know somehow I was at fault and I was really angry - more than anyone else but myself. I had apologized for reacting that way. But I did hope the people understood why I had that reaction. I had not slept yet but I prepared to go. I was soaked in the rain for heaven sakes! What hurts me most is that they had to make comments about what had happened. They made me feel worse and these were the people I wanted to see and be with since they graduated. Shucks it saddens me to just think of what had happened. Lesson learned? It's time to move on. Don't go to parties for young people.
Days and nights seem to last forever and the shifts were taking its toll on me. By the next weekend I felt sick. My body was getting weak each day, worsened by the unpredictable weather. I'm super stressed. I knew then when I applied that I wanted a job with lesser stress. I knew that the stress would come during the work hours and after shift, it's over. But the past few days, the stress would be carried on each day. It piles up. I wanna scream my lungs out, but then only a cough would come out. I've been sick the last two weeks. I've taken medicines that I thought would help but I'm not getting any better. I've been barking like hell. I've considered quitting because I knew that I was becoming a liability to the team but leaving them would be the last thing on mind right now because they've been so supportive. Team nga eh! I thought that July was the worst but then it got good. But I shouldn't have been complacent. I should have prepared myself for something worse again. If in July I was slowly falling. September, I was at rock bottom. This was the lowest level EVER physically and emotionally. I couldn't even say "Bring it on!" because I don't know what would be my last straw. I don't know how long I can hang on. I know these will all pass. It's just a bad dream and like the song goes, "wake me up when September ends..."
I pray that October would bring better days. Days that will leave good memories and make me smile each day. I'm crossing my fingers.
To at least make me feel better, care to give me a HUG?!
Actually, the month started really well. I really had a grand time during the team-building. It was the kind of fun that I had in college and it was something that I've been wanting to experience in the recent years. It was all good, clean fun. The people were all game and the food was excellent. I was awake for more than 30 hours but it was all worth it.
Since I didn't have work that following Monday, I went to see my old friends from St. Paul. I missed them so much. They always had welcoming arms. I knew that at St. Paul, the warmth and friendship will always be there. I was like coming home to my old family. I missed my mommies and titas there. I had a hearty laugh with the clinic people. I'm sure they missed the precious patient that I was.
But when things were starting off really well, a sudden surprise leaves you dumbfounded and there was nothing else you can do about the situation but just accept it (and still accept it). The shifts were getting heavy and we lacked manpower. It was something that I took heavily because there's nothing much I can do but deal with it.
The following weekend was the most disappointing one. I was looking forward to that weekend for more than a month. I wanted to see old friends. It was a break from a heavy week and I wanted to seek refuge from old pals. I don't really want to elaborate on it. Actually I did make a mistake of not verifying. I know somehow I was at fault and I was really angry - more than anyone else but myself. I had apologized for reacting that way. But I did hope the people understood why I had that reaction. I had not slept yet but I prepared to go. I was soaked in the rain for heaven sakes! What hurts me most is that they had to make comments about what had happened. They made me feel worse and these were the people I wanted to see and be with since they graduated. Shucks it saddens me to just think of what had happened. Lesson learned? It's time to move on. Don't go to parties for young people.
Days and nights seem to last forever and the shifts were taking its toll on me. By the next weekend I felt sick. My body was getting weak each day, worsened by the unpredictable weather. I'm super stressed. I knew then when I applied that I wanted a job with lesser stress. I knew that the stress would come during the work hours and after shift, it's over. But the past few days, the stress would be carried on each day. It piles up. I wanna scream my lungs out, but then only a cough would come out. I've been sick the last two weeks. I've taken medicines that I thought would help but I'm not getting any better. I've been barking like hell. I've considered quitting because I knew that I was becoming a liability to the team but leaving them would be the last thing on mind right now because they've been so supportive. Team nga eh! I thought that July was the worst but then it got good. But I shouldn't have been complacent. I should have prepared myself for something worse again. If in July I was slowly falling. September, I was at rock bottom. This was the lowest level EVER physically and emotionally. I couldn't even say "Bring it on!" because I don't know what would be my last straw. I don't know how long I can hang on. I know these will all pass. It's just a bad dream and like the song goes, "wake me up when September ends..."
I pray that October would bring better days. Days that will leave good memories and make me smile each day. I'm crossing my fingers.
To at least make me feel better, care to give me a HUG?!
posted by rhaych @ 9:03 AM
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