Useless

In general, I can say that I'm physically strong all my life. You won't find me stationary for a long time. There's always something that I would do because if not I think I would die. I would be running around, dancing to any beat, going to different places, etc.

Some people notice that I walk very fast. I remember my officemates teasing me with my speedy walk. We would usually walk along the covered walkway from our office in Ayala to the Ayala MRT station. One time, we all went out of the office at the same time but I needed to go to our other office along Paseo so I told them to go ahead. After I was done with my errand in our Paseo office, I started walking back to our path. And you know what, I actually saw them still on the covered walkway and was able to get pass through them. They were so amazed. I told them that they just walked too slow. But they argued that I just walk too fast.

To make people happy, I do certain dance moves. There was even a dance move that they call "Do the Rhaych". Because there was a time that when I'm happy I do the crazy Rhaych step.

But that was all before. Now, I'm no longer like that. I'm freakingly weak that I cannot even do things on my own. Life can be a little unfair!

After last Monday's surgery on my back, I was hopeful that I can go back to normal. My normal life. My normal me. I thought that once I'm discharged from the hospital, I'm about 70-80% okay. But I was wrong. It frustrates me that I'm not even 50% okay.

Here I am lying back on my bed as I write my thoughts on this notebook with a pencil. I do have a laptop but I was told by my doctor through my PT that I can't sit for more than an hour. Most of the time I'm lying on this bed. What's worse, I can't even change my position on this bed without asking for someone's assistance. I need assistance to turn to my side. I need assistance in putting my legs on the pillow. I need assistance to stand up from the bed. I need assistance in taking a bath. Almost everything is either given to or done for me. Gosh I've never felt this small and needless to say useless! I'm used to getting things done on my own. I appreciate the support that they give me but I can't help but feel worthless and hopeless.

I cry myself to sleep thinking why this happened to me. I can't help but cry over what happened to me. My family tells me to keep on with my PT sessions and never lose hope. Won't you lose hope if you need someone to even flush the toilet for you? The doctors, my PT, my family and my friends say that I can go back to normal. When and how? For someone with low EQ like me, everyday is a struggle for me. The words of encouragement are overwhelming. Thank you!I know I should be taking one step at a time but deep within me I can't help but feel upset.

Just please continue praying for me. Thank you for your prayers and support.

I can't wait to do the "Rhaych" and my cartwheels.

The Leaflet that Was

Last year we watched this indie film entitle "100" wherein the dying heroine asked her secretary to make photocopies of information about her illness and what caused it. She wanted to spare her mother from giving the same story to those who will come to her wake. I thought it was a very brilliant idea.

Recently, I was hospitalized and I found myself giving the same story as to what had happened to me to every set of visitor that came by. It's not that I'm complaining. It was just tiring andthe story would be longer as I counted the days that I stayed in the hospital. I told myself that I should have made a leaflet so that I could have discussed other topics with my visitors rather than talking about my debilitating illness. I would have preferred talking about other stuff since my visitors are friends whom I have not seen for a while.

Well now, I'm out of the hospital and those who don't know yet would still ask what exactly happened to me. I know I can't avoid these questions so let me give you a blow-by-blow account, so as to at least lessen the interrogation. In case anyone would ask me again, I'd be showing this entry, my leaflet.

1999
I was diagnosed as to having lumbar strain that's why I went through physical therapy at Philippine Orthopedic Hospital.

Jan 2005
I was getting ready to work when I sneezed and felt pain running down my lower back to my legs. It was as if my muscles have been twisted. I still managed to go to work but I couldn't go out of the car anymore to walk. The doctor said that my lumbar strain is back.

Mar 2008
My lower back was giving me pain again. My X-ray showed that my lumbar strain was getting worse. To deal with it, I went through physical therapy sessions and was given pain management meds.

Jun 2008
The pain was a lot worse. My doctor ordered that I get an MRI for my lower back. The MRI plate confirmed that I have slip disc at L4, L5, S1. I went through extensive physical therapy sessions. This time I had traction. My pain management meds were of high dosage.

Aug 19, 2009
I woke up because I needed to sneeze. It was one big forceful sneeze. After that, I felt the pain on my lower back and I was having a hard time standing up. I took one of my previously prescribed meds and I felt a little better.

Aug 20, 2009
I decide to visit my doctor, Dr. Vicky Morales, to have a consult. I had told her what had happened the day before and from which she had asked me what my pain scale was. I told her it was 7. I was having some difficulty walking as she was examining me. She asked if i wanted to be confined so that they can monitor my condition. I quickly said "No!" because I knew it would be a hassle to my family if I get hospitalized. We both agreed that I just go through extensive physical therapy sessions again. She then prescribed me with stronger pain management meds. I clearly remembered that she suggested that I go back to the hospital right away if the pain gets worse. After the check-up, I went through my PT session with PT Janice and I felt a lot better.

Aug 21, 2009
I woke up with a very painful back. I was trying not to take the meds, but to no avail. I wanted to go to the hospital but since it was a holiday, I knew that the PT rehab would be closed and my records are there. Soon, the meds took effect. But I was thinking if I depended on it too much.

Aug 22, 2009
I went to my scheduled PT session with PT Janice. I told her about the pain that I felt the day before. She advised me that if I felt that same pain again, I should go to the hospital for confinement so that I can be monitored. I promised her that I will never be confined.

Aug 23, 2009
Nanay and I were off to here Mass. After driving a few blocks away from our house, I suddenly felt severe pain from my lower back down to my left leg. It felt like it was twisted. It was like the worst leg cramp in the world. I was crying inside the car because I couldn't move. After a few minutes of struggling inside the car, I managed to drive back home but I was screaming with so much pain as I got out of the car. I was crying when I reached my bed. I couldn't lie flat on my back. It was really painful. My parents handed me my meds and had put hot compress on my lower back. But it was no use. Any movement I made on the bed caused so much pain. I had asked my parents to bring me to the hospital because the pain was really unbearable. In no time, my brother came and I was brought to the hospital's emergency room. I only stopped crying when they gave me a very strong pain reliever through my IV. Dr. Vicky came and said that I need to stay in the hospital for further observation. I had X-ray, blood test, etc. that afternoon.

Aug 24, 2009
Dr. Vicky came by early and had suggested that I take bedside PT sessions twice a day. I told her that my left leg felt a bit weak compared to my right leg, movement and sensory-wise. She assessed my condition. I told her I wanted to go home. She said she can only discharge me if I feel better. I had two bedside PT sessions that day with Janice.

Aug 25, 2009
I told Dr. Vicky that I was feeling better and I wanted to go home the next day. She said that they can't force me to stay but I have to make sure that I continue my PT sessions as outpatient and continue with my meds as well. I had 2 PT sessions again with PT Janice. That night I was all by myself in my hospital room when I suddenly felt numbness on my lower back to my upper left thigh. It was just for a few seconds and I managed to position myself on the bed. I didn't bother that much.

Aug 26, 2009
I was discharged that afternoon after going through the PT sessions with PT Janice. Dr. Vicky also advised me to wear a lumbar support all the time for a few weeks to make sure that my movement would be limited.

Aug 27, 2009
Grace accompanied me to the hospital for my PT session. But since I can't drive with my condition, Grace and I commuted. I was feeling the numbness from my lower back to my upper right thigh. Hence, I was having difficulty walking continuously. I had to stop every now and then to rest.

Aug 28, 2009
I was feeling much better and was preparing for my next PT session the following day.

Aug 29, 2009
I was feeling uneasy again when I woke up with some pain on my lower back. Unfortunately, I couldn't help but sneeze. Then I felt something like electricity running from my lower back to the tips of my toes. After that, it was painful to move my legs. I couldn't go to my PT session anymore. I took my meds but the relief wore off too fast. I was just lying still the whole day. Going to the CR was such a pain on my legs. That night I was crying again because of the pain that I was feeling. I tried hard to bear with it. I didn't want to go back to the hospital just yet. I think I only got a few hours of sleep that night because from time to time I would be awakened with the pain on my lower back down to my legs.

Aug 30, 2009
After carefully trying out different positions, I found the best position for me with lesser pain. It was sitting up right with my legs stretched out. I ate and slept in that position. However, when CR time came, it was such a challenge. I was trying to assess myself if I need to go to the hospital. For one, my brother was in Tarlac and no one would drive for us to the hospital. Two, I knew that I have a very serious condition and it would mean spending a lot of money on hospitalization and meds. I thought that if by the end of the day, I don't get better, I will go to the hospital the next day.

Aug 31, 2009
I woke up early due to the pain on my lower back. I was having difficulty straightening up. My position the earlier day was no longer good for me. I looked at myself in the mirror and my body was already bent towards the right beyond my control. I knew I needed to go to the hospital. Nanay started gathering the things that we'll be bringing with us to the hospital. We had big bags because with my condition, we felt it was no overnight stay. We were preparing for the worst. I managed to take a bath while Nanay got a cab that will bring us back to the hospital. Inside the ER, I was given a higher dosage of pain reliever through my IV. The attending physician contacted Dr. Vicky and she had ordered to stop all previously given meds since higher dosages of new meds would be administered to me. I felt a bit relieved with the new meds given to me but I noticed that I was peeing a lot. I was getting up from my bed with my IV to the CR almost every hour. Dr. Vicky came by in the afternoon to assess my condition. She had asked me to wiggle my toes and move my big toe up. I knew I was trying my best but they weren't moving. She said that she has referred me to another doctor who will check on me the next day. An MRI at Delos Santos Medical Center has been arranged for the next day. I would be transported there via the hospital's ambulance.

Sept 1, 2009
I transferred to another room and was assigned with a new PT, Mike. I was wheeled to the PT clinic for my session. During that PT session, I couldn't bear lying on my back straight on the bed. There was also burning sensation on my lower back to my toes. PT Mike decided that I do the same sitting position that I was comfortable with the other day.
Dr. Vicky came by to check on me and asked if I was open to the idea of surgery based on my situation. I was against it because I knew we won't be able to afford it.
By lunch, the other doctor, Dr. Eric Morales came and assessed me. He explained that with my current condition where there is weakness, they really suggest that the patient undergo surgery. I asked him about the procedure and the expenses. He told me that my lower back will be opened and the compression on my spine will be released. The surgery would cost about 200 thousand pesos. Upon hearing the cost, I told him that I'm not up for it. He said that since I'm scheduled for an MRI in the afternoon, it will help in their assessment if I really need to go through surgery or not.
After he left, Mike came for my PT session.

Then I prepared myself for the MRI at Delos Santos Medical Center. I was really excited because it was my first time to ride in an ambulance. My schedule there was at 4 PM but I was only brought down at 3:30 PM. I even told the ambulance driver that we might not make it on time. He assured me that we will. With us was my Nanay, Grace, Nurse Diane and a resident doctor. I couldn't lie down because of the pain so I opted to sit down on my bed. I was really excited for the ambulance adventure. I was even taking pictures of myself inside the ambulance. I even asked Nurse Diane when will the ambulance siren sound, she said in a while I can enjoy it. They were all excited for me. And then there was the siren. Woohoo! Then we were doing counterflow which made it more exciting for me. But just a few blocks away from the hospital, I started feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach. Then I barfed! Galing ko! I threw up a lot. I was vomiting like crazy on myself and in the ambulance. I was feeling weak. The resident doctor had asked Nanay and Grace to buy med to stop me from throwing up. I said I won't be able to go through the MRI. The attendee from Delos Santos said that if we reschedule, they will be charging an extra P800. So I went through with it. I was advised to lay still inside the MRI but since I'm uncomfortable in that position, I felt the painful burning sensation on my lower back to my legs again. I was shouting with so much pain inside the MRI, begging them to pull me out. That was the most painful 15 minutes of my life! When it was over, I was screaming with so much pain because I couldn't move anymore from waist down. Good thing Nurse Diane administered a very high dosage of Tramadol through my IV. I felt a bit relieved while still sobbing. After a few minutes, I threw up again. I still felt sick when I got back into the ambulance and back to MVMC. Nanay asked the resident doctor if the initial reading on my MRI was okay. The doctor said it'll be Dr. Vicky and Dr. Eric who will discuss it with us. When I reached my hospital room, I took a bath to remove all the vomit shit on me.

Sept 2, 2009
I had my PT session with Mike in the morning. By lunch time Dr. Vicky came by to discuss the initial reading since the plate is still at Delos Santos. She said that it indeed showed that my nerve has been compressed causing the pain on my lower back and numbness on my feet. She once again offered surgery. But I told her that I'm not amenable to it. I'd rather have PT sessions all my life. She said that Dr. Eric will discuss it with me further. In my afternoon PT session, I had discussed the findings and recommendation with PT Mike. He said that it's really my decision. He offered suggestions such as UP PGH or Phil Orthopedic just in case I want to proceed with the surgery with lower expenses. I tried enduring the traction despite the pain because I was conditioning myself that I can bear the pain without surgery.

Sept 3, 2009
I woke up at around 2:30 AM to adjust the A/C in my room. I was trying to reach for the A/C knob but I was having difficulty. My legs were too weak to pull up my body. I had to hold on to the bars on my bed for support. When PT Mike picked me up for my session, I was having difficulty putting on my slippers. It was as if my feet won't keep on. I didn't feel the slippers on my feet. When I stood up, I had to be assisted. My legs were very, very weak. When PT Mike asked me to flex and extend my feet, it wouldn't. After so many days of trying to stay strong, I started feeling scared. PT Mike called Dr. Vicky and reported what was happening. I knew we really needed to discuss my condition with the doctors. A meeting was set with the two doctors.

Sept 4, 2009
After my PT session with PT Mike, Dr. Eric discussed the result of the MRI with me and my Nanay. He said that I won't be needing any titanium rods on my spine which is a good thing because the surgery won't cause as much as 200 thousand pesos. He gave us a fair quotation and even helped us with the approval of the procedure ASAP from my health care provider. We had set the operation at 6:30AM on September 7, 2009. As soon as Dr. Eric left, the fund-raising for my operation began. I had my blood typing, bleeder's test and clotting test that afternoon. Two bags of blood had also been requested in case something goes wrong. Before the day was over, we knew we had the needed amount.

Sept 5, 2009
I was needing assistance going to and from the CR. I was already taking a bath sitting down. I endured the two PT session with Mike thinking that I am going to get better in two days. I even attended the anticipated Mass in the hospital with my IV on and I was in a wheelchair.

Sept 6, 2009
Dr. Vicky had pre-op talk. She had prepped me to what will happen. By lunch time, my friends and family had come to wish me well. It was like my last day on earth. There were so many people inside my room and there were so much food as well. My Nanay had asked them to leave at 9PM so that I can rest for the next day's operation.

Sept 7, 2009
I woke up at 3:30AM to go to the CR. Nanay had accompanied me. I started praying the rosary. I was a bit scared but I wanted to get it over and done with. I wanted to go back to normal. By 5AM, the nurse came by to do a skin test in case I would have allergic reaction on the antibiotic that they will give me after the operation. It was really itchy. I had to go through it twice because I couldn't tell the difference between the control and the variable. By 6AM, I was being asked to remove everything and just leave my gown on. I even washed my face and brushed my teeth. This is my battle, I have to be prepared! By 6:30AM, Dr. Eric was already inside my room assisting the nurses to bring me to the operating room. I felt eerie inside the operating room. There were so many lights. I wanted to pee but I couldn't do it in the bed pan. The nurse and I tried it twice but I couldn't. Soon Dr. Clotario, the anesthesiologist, was chatting up with me. I got to meet one of the 3 spine specialists in the Philippines and he was operating on me. And then I blocked out. I think I was already inside the recovery room when I heard people talking but I was too drugged to even bother that I slept. Aside from that I knew I had an oxygen device on me. I could here my heartbeat through the monitor. I even tried playing by controlling my breathing and listening how my heartbeat would sound. But I was very weak to continue with my game. Once in a while, someone would wake me up to check. I don't know why they do that. It's a violation of my blissful sleep! Then finally I woke up when they started removing the devices attached to me. I was being moved back to my room. My family was there but I was too wasted to talk. I felt hungry but I wasn't allowed to eat yet unless I fart. I didn't want to eat as well upon realizing that I have a catheter on and a hemovac on my back, draining the excess blood on my back. I just decided to sleep.

Sept 8, 2009
I initially asked for water when I woke up. I was starting to feel the pain on my wound. The catheter was uncomfortable but it prevents me from going to the CR. I washed my face on the bed. How? It's a talent. I had light bedside PT sessions with PT Mike that day. Dr. Vicky and Dr. Eric checked on me. They assured me that everything went well and I can go back to normal in no time. Yippee! But then I felt a bit grouchy that day because my wound was really painful and the hemovac and catheter were really uncomfortable. I was having hot flashes and the A/C seemed to be not working but it was. Any movement on my bed irritates me because it adds to my painful wound. I was very irritable with the nurses. What's worse I was having a fever!

Sept 9, 2009
I woke up alone in my room. I couldn't move much because of the things attached to me. I couldn't reach the buzzer for the nurse's station. I remember I started crying because I felt so weak. When Grace arrived, I had asked her to have the nurses call Dr. Eric to remove my catheter and hemovac. I was uncomfortable doing my PT sessions with PT Mike. The nurse didn't know what to do but I said that my bladder is full and I want the catheter removed. She replaced the catheter with a diaper since I couldn't go to the CR with the hemovac. When the diaper was on, I couldn't pee. Shit! Soon Dr. Eric was in my room and was removing the hemovac and dressing my wound. I told him I wanted to really take bath. So he replaced the dressing with a waterproof sheet. Dr. Eric had advised my Nanay that I can be discharged the next day. Whoa! When he left, PT Mike continued with my sessions. This time I had to do my sessions sitting down and standing up. It was really hard! But I was excited that I'm better than the last few days. He even had me practice my walking. He just advised me not to lose the spirit that I can do it and go back to normal. Dr. Vicky came by that afternoon and had checked my PT progress. She was very happy. I was too. I wanted to take a bath. Unfortunately that same night, I was having fever again.

Sept 10, 2009
I was wheeled to the PT clinic by PT Mike for my session. My slippers still wouldn't stay on. PT Mike had secured them with Micropore tape on my feet. It felt hard to start standing and walking again. By 3PM I was discharged from the hospital and was brought to my Ninong's house for complete recovery.

This doesn't look like a leaflet. More like a brochure or a journal. Whatever! I hope I won't be recounting the experience again because it brings back very difficult moments in my life.

The Little Girl's Sad Story

It's a typical story of girl meets boy. A story that had span for more than two decades. Or was there even really a story?

She was five years old. He was five years old. The little girl was the family's baby. She enjoyed every attention she got from everyone. On the other hand, the boy was very shy who never said a word unless spoken to. They were never friends since it was typical of girls hating boys and boys hating girls at that time. The boy was one of the brightest students in class. The girl was also an honor student but she always got into trouble because of her naughtiness. At that time, the little girl knew that there was more to the little boy behind those thick eyeglasses. She knew she felt different towards the little boy. But what can she do? She was only five years old. In four years that they were clasmates, she did not have any interaction with the little boy. All she knew then was that this boy is her first crush in school. Her first love.

Unfortunately, the little girl had to move away with her family and left the boy she liked. She went about doing her own stuff. She had a new environment, new friends and new life. She forgot about the little boy.

Growing up, the girl had her fair share of triumphs and disappointments. She fell in love several times only to get her heart broken. But she's a survivor. She had turned her failures into lessons which had helped her to become a better person. She was contented with her life. She always had her family and friends behind her back. She thought she would not be needing someone special in her life. Or so she thought.

With the advent of technology, the girl thought of searching her old classmates on the internet. She remembered mostly the names of her girl classmates. But one name that she could not forget was the boy's. She found him and added him right away. She even sent him a message of hello and the boy responded that he remembers her as the smartest little girl in class with pigtails. There were a few exchange of messages but soon the girl felt weird for some unknown reason. So she just decided not to continue with it. After all, she just wanted to find him and she knew he still exists.

She carried on with her life thinking that she's happy wherever she is. She told herself that she'll never let any man hurt her again and that meaning never getting into a relationship ever again.

On her 30th birthday, the girl went online to check her messages on her old social networking site. She was surprised that the boy updated his profile. Apart from that the boy was wearing a pink shirt on his profile photo! Waaaah! The girl took a closer look at his photo and memories of her childhood came rushing one by one. He almost looked exactly the same. It took her days to decide if she'll send him a message. With her fingers crossed, she messaged him. A few days later, the boy had replied to her and soon there were a few friendly messages exchanged between the two of them.

But something inside was bothering the girl. A big part of her wanted to know more about the boy. She didn't know why but she knew she had to do something about it for her own peace of mind. Hence, the quest to know about the boy began.

She started looking for old friends who knew the boy from way back. She asked them questions that would appease her curiosity. She would get promising answers but sometimes disappointing ones as well. But she wanted to find out for herself. Months later, with the help of two trusted friends, the meeting was set. She had told herself not to get her hopes up too high because it's going to be the first meeting (probably the last).

From a far, she already knew it was him approaching. This was her classmate who never said a word to her when they were kids. But now, he was more outspoken and confident. One thing that she distinctly noticed was he's still very smart. As they talked, she realized how different their lifestyles are. He was not the guy that she'd usually fall for and there was no future at all since the boy had actually mentioned that he cannot be in a relationship at this stage in his life. Okay! The girl came home a bit disappointed but she told herself that there should have been no expectations in the first place. After all, the goal was just to see and meet him. But still, she liked what she saw. Unfortunately, the quest should end right there.

A few hours after the meeting, she was shocked to get a message fom the boy asking her to go out for lunch. She was smiling like there was no tomorrow. She couldn't go out at that time but had expressed that she'll welcome the next invitation. She was feeling weird but it was a happy weird feeling. The messages that she received from the boy made her extremely happy but it only lasted for a few days. Slowly, the boy disappeared just like that.

The girl felt stupid for falling that soon. He already said that he cannot be in a relationship. The girl is crushed with what had happened. Maybe, the boy was just being friendly. Maybe, he had mastered the skills of making a woman fall for him. Too bad for the girl for assuming and falling - really hard.

The girl knew better but she had let herself get hurt again. This boy was indeed her first love. The feelings had been deep-seated all these years. She never really forgot him. Will she ever get her happy ending?

The girl is left sobbing....

To The Usual Suspects

I'm no Miss Congeniality.

But when I find a friend, I really treasure that person. I only have a few, trusted friends and I can stand by them no matter what happens. I make a conscious effort to protect friendships that I've built. And when other people try to put us down, I stick up and stick with my friends.

I have this group of friends whom I love so much. They're like my extended family since we're practically together every day. Each of us has a different personality but when we're together, there seems to be a powerful force that binds us. With just one look or gesture, we already get what one means. Sometimes words are no longer needed. We knew we'll be there for each other no matter what. We can talk about the shallowest and the deepest topics.

Our favorite topic is of course about Philippine showbiz. We'd usually pick on Jonalyn Viray, Marian Rivera and more often than not, the Kapuso channel overall. That becomes our breather from our workload. Then we'd pick on each other but we'd lead to ganging up on our youngest friend. We'd play when we're bored like the others. We support each other especially when it comes to our work, our health and our families. These are the people that I am proud to be associated with because no matter what people say about our group or each one of us, we don't get affected. We knew and we know better.

Recently, my friends and I got involved in a crisis that shook our worlds. Unfortunately, it's still affecting us to this very day. But what's making us get through this each and everyday is the fact that we're not bailing out on one another. Our support for each other is just amazing that we are learning to cope better in this situation. We are getting to know each other better and realizing that beyond all the jokes and laughter, we are true friends of each other and we are good individuals.

At this point, I am admitting that it's a lost cause. I/we may have lost what we had but nothing compares to the friendship and heartfelt support that we have for each other. What we lost is nothing compared to what we had gained. Let's face it, our friendship cannot feed our families, pay our rent or buy that "to die for shoes". But those are just material things, it can't last forever. Our friendship has been tested. However, I believe bonded us more and making us better friends. We may not be together always nowadays but deep in our hearts the love will always be there. In God's perfect time, we'll be okay and we'd talk about it and just laugh it off like we always do. Whatever happens, you will be always my dear Noel, my dear Ava, my dear Nina, my dear Poi and my dear Frank.

Noel, I was scared of you at first. You were always the fighter in our group. I admire that in you. You are always able to speak your mind. You always tell me to fight for what I believe is right. You were constantly supporting me career-wise. Your talent is really a gift. I hope you put that into use. I will surely miss your kabitchesahan and the times that you welcomed me in your home. Thank you Noel for being my strength each time I feel like giving up.

Ava, you have to admit na mami-miss mo ako and the topics that we talk about like ghosts, UP, our mothers, our brothers, our relatives, our fiends, your love life (coz I have none), our favorite food, Jonalyn Viray, Marian Rivera, John Lloyd Cruz, Nina (not Bangit), ASAP, SOP, The Buzz, etc. I think we had the most daldalan sessions since we've been seatmates like forever. Sorry if you felt violated with my misuse of vulgar words. You know how naive I am. Piece of advice, I know you were really confused when we talked about some people on our way to Tagaytay. You know yourself better. I admire your intelligence and your love for your family especially kay Mommy. Thank you Ava for always listening to me.

Nina, I admire your convictions on and about life. You are such a great artist and I'm glad that we're batchmates. Your kajologan is such a surprise considering that you are a quiet person (or so we think). I will miss your surprising hirits, how your eyes would lighten up when we talk about Gabbie and the movies that you think of for our charades game. Thank you Nina for being a good friend.

Poi, you are one of the sweetest persons that I've ever met. Like Nina, I am happy that we are batch mates. Your happiness is contagious and makes everyone lighten up when you're around. Your childlike attitude is endearing and your bobo hirits and moments are truly tatak-Poi. Nag-iisa ka lang! I admire your love for your family and for Ralph. Okay, I agree with you na he's truly lucky to have you. I admire that you always try to see the good side of the situation or the person. Poi, thank you for being you. You are a very good person and I'm glad that you are my friend from day one to the day I die.

Frank, you know that I love you. If I don't pick on you that means I don't care at all. You are our bunso and thank you for living up to its meaning. Thank you for making us laugh. We've had some misunderstandings but I'm happy you are able to forgive me. I will surely miss your kakulitan, your dance steps, your out-of-this-world ideas and your support. Thank you for your pieces of advice. Thank you for the purity of your heart (heart lang). Sorry humirit pa.

We will rise above this situation and the tears will eventually stop from falling. Like we said, there's a reason for this and we are off to better opportunities. I love you all so much and once again thank you for being my true friends.

Thank You Tita Cory....

for restoring democracy in this country.

for being a mother to this nation.

for your good governance.

Everybody Hurts by The Corrs

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your day is night alone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
When you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on

Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

And everybody hurts
Sometimes

So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Everybody hurts
You are not alone)

Dance Class

I have enrolled in a gym. Aside from the fact that I wanted to lose weight, I wanted to take dance classes. I have not danced for a while and I've missed it. I'm glad that the gym is offering dance claases. Dancing is like breathing for me. Naks yabang! But my teacher today asked if I had taken formal dance lessons. Of course I said no. In-born. Kidding! People who know me would say I'm naturally malikot. I only enrolled for a month and the dance classes are four times a week. Career-in!