thank you! thank you! thank you!

Just a few minutes left and the year is over. Another 365 days are ahead of me. What's in store for me? I don't know what are God's plans for me. But whatever it'll be, I know it would be for my own good.

The year 2005 was a roller coaster of emotions. I would be very happy at one moment but I would be crying thereafter. But I am still thankful that I was given another year. I got to learn new things, did a few things that I've never done before, been to places, met some good people and spent time with my loved-ones.

I would like to thank a few people. In case I forgot to thank you, isipin mo na lang ham yan. I mean di na kailangan sabihin, alam mo na yon.

1. God, I am not worthy. You have been a very good Father and friend as well. Thank you for the trials and the blessings.
   
2. Nanay, for being there for me all the time. For listening to my stories.
   
3. Lei, for keeping me sane the past few days. I love you girl.
   
4. Ellen, for hearing me out today and analyzing the situation.
   
5. Janice, for always supporting me. You believe in me so much and you give me that little push.
   
6. Bliss, for coming back. I missed you. Thank you for that release the other morning.
   
7. Kathoy, for playing with me just so I can have a release of feelings. sorry if I scared you.
   
8. Kimmy, for always listening to me, for believing in what I have and what I can do.
   
9. Ate Mic, for all the good advice and kwento. for opening up and being a sister to me.
   
10. Cholo and Lui for making me smile and laugh.
    
11. Atty, for bothering to call me up even if he is miles away, for the time and the care, and for always making himself available for me.
    
12. Ate Sheila, my adventurous cousin.
    
13. Jeje, Dece and Lem, for being my assmates in the MRT. Thanks for the snacks and chats.
    
14. Meteor friends, Joy, Mavic, Ruth, Beanne & Armie for the endless chika at kakikayan. Sa pang-aasar at pang-ookray.
    
15. TUSIKS, for all the love.
    
16. DOSTRES, for always remembering.
    
17. TWANEE, for bearing with me.
    
18. Teresa, for all the messages.
    
19. RED, for giving me back my smile.

I'm loving it but I have to stop

I have been having sleepless nights. I just stay in bed and think, think, think. Is this love I'm feeling? Oh God please no! Not now, not with him. I have been trying to trace where all these is coming from. Was it because I thought of him one night and the next thing I knew I was seeing him the following morning? And worse seeing a car plate bearing his name on that same morning?! Was that some kind of a joke? Hahaha! Kill me now.

Let me go back a few months prior to that. An accidental meeting somewhere. I told myself "Damn he's the same guy back then". He hasn't changed except for a few girlfriends that I overheard from our common friends. Well, the meeting was just a coincidence. Or so I taught...

With occasional text messages, we became friends again. But as I said, it was OCCASIONAL! It was nothing. Just a friend texting a friend. He made me smile, worse laugh, with some forwarded messages. That was it...

One night on my way home from work I told myself I hope I'd have a good dream. And I did! For five straight nights I was seeing him in it. Very good ones I should say. I was having a great time with him in my dreams. Each moment was very special. But I know that most of what we're seeing in our dreams is the opposite of what is happening or what will happen. People call it HD (hidden desire), that's why I'm seeing him. I was in denial. I was alarmed after the fifth night. I had to tell it to my best friend and another good friend. I wanted to hear their reaction. Again I was in denial...

Next thing I knew, I was including him in my prayers. I was wishing him well. I was looking forward to meeting him just to have a good chat and see for myself what kind of person he has become. I was thinking of him ALL THE TIME. I hated myself for feeling that way. But each day I grew fonder of him.

Finally we met. He was the same guy I fell in love with way, way back. I was smiling on my way home. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to keep him. It felt so strange. Weird but nice. I started to ask some of my close friends about how I was feeling then. I was crying like a baby when I consulted a male friend. He confirmed that I am in love because he was seeing the signs in me. He was very happy for me and he was very supportive. He was glad that he was seeing me genuinely smile because of a special person. I told him he's out of his mind.

Okay, okay I admit to the world that I love him. Satisfied? I know I can take good care of him and give all the love that I can give. My feelings I know are true. I love it. I am trying to enjoy every moment of it but I'm really scared. Things are too complicated. Because I know at the end of the day, he and I can never be. I know that for a fact. I have to let go of these feeelings because if I go on with it, I am bound to get hurt big time in the end.

It took years for me to feel this way again. I know he's a very good guy and he deserves to be with someone else. It's not me I know. The friendship is better than anything else. I'd slowly drift away and go on with my life.

After all, he hasn't worn pink!

Everything You Do by Christian Bautista

I love the way you smile
When I look in your eyes
I love the way you laugh when I try to be funny
And how a tear rolls down your face
When I say no one could ever take your place

Baby when you sleep
I watch you breathing
Baby when you dream
I dream with you
Cause everywhere you are is where I wanna be
It's true, everything you do
Makes me know how much I love you

The way you touch my lips
Right after every kiss
And softly whisper
That I'm your everything
The way you pray our love won't die
Every night just before you close your eyes

And I believe some things are meant to be
Cause I believe in love and yours was meant for me